Ahhh, the D-word. Discipline is such an easy concept, and yet we all seem to struggle with it at one time or another. It is especially frustrating to me when my children don’t respond to my admonishings. After all, before I became a mother I taught middle school. Discipline was what I did. In 10 years of teaching, I had never had a 7th grader talk back to me when I used my extra-stern “I’m-so-not-playing” voice, and yet my two-year-old finds it hilarious. He actually laughs as he continues the very action that brought about the voice in the first place. My “don’t-even-think-about-it-if you-want-to-live-until-5th-period” look that could stop a middle-schooler dead in his tracks is simply ignored by my son.
I wondered: Could he be hard of hearing? Near-sighted? Have processing issues? Multiple licensed professionals have determined that he in fact is able to see, hear and comprehend. The problem, it seems, is simply that he is a toddler who is learning, growing, exploring, pushing limits, testing boundaries and finding his own way in this big, wonderful world. The solution? That’s where you all come in. Please share with us your best discipline strategies. Try to be as specific as you can. Sometimes it’s a little thing that makes all the difference, so no idea is too big or too small. Thanks, Moms!
2 comments:
Thanks Adrienne for the topic. We have a strict home partly partly because I read books saying that by 2 years old the child needs to know the parent is in charge, or you'll end up having problems later in life. So we made sure the first 2 knew that but somehow Eloise slipped though the system and we are already suffering now!!!
But this is more useful:My 6 year old has had "attitude" and whining issues on and off for the past 2 years. When it comes, I put on the fridge every day a sheet with 20 white circles corresponding to minutes. Every time the attitude or whining shows up, I color one circle without warning. At the end of the day, she is allowed to stay up past bedtime to play a game or read a book with me for some minutes, according to the white circles left on the fridge. She really likes the system because she can keep track and I really like it because of the "no warning" effect. I grew up in a house with so many warnings never enforced that I really want them to learn that I don't talk twice (even though I do sometimes...)
I believe we are a mirror of our parents' teachings. Whether you like it or not you end up doing things almost identical to what you grew up with. My father was the disciplinarian, although I also knew I couldn't cross my mother either but somehow she was more tactful and patient to make things work. Thus I wanted to be like her and I'm finding myself doing things the way my father did.
Isabelle is a good girl most of the time but she also has her moments and likes to push my buttons to find out my limits and she finds them if she pushes too hard. I try to reason with her to avoid yelling and screaming but there are also times when I yell more than I like.
I think that the key is to give reasons. I don't believe in time outs, I haven't even done it once with Isabelle. I might have to do it later, who knows, I'll find it out along the road but it also depends on the child.
I believe that the child in order to be accepted by others must know in the tone of your voice that you're not kidding and know why you're not kidding. If you combine both elements you have a good behaved kid.
I think that the problem nowadays is that adults don't know how to set boundaries and don't let the child know you have the control and the rules of the game. I think it is much better to act a little harder when it's still time because when the child grows up thinking all the way around is too late for you and for your kid.
Yes, it's important to let your child's opinion count but always keeping in mind that you as a parent know what's better and why and letting your child know it.
And for those moments when you yell more than you should there's always the magic of the phrase "I'm sorry I yelled". You're human and to be a parent is not easy.
Another problem I see is that we forget that to set examples implies to do what you're asking your child to do, not just to say it. If you yell at her most of the time without giving her reasons and without saying I'm sorry, don't be surprised she's yelling at everyone specially at you.
It is very important that you respect her/him as a person, yes, she might be 3 feet tall or less but she is a very important person and thus she should know that and it is because of that, that you have to discipline her.
I believe in the idea that the ego of a child is very fragile and it is during the 3 first years of her life that the rest of her development will be set. Love and respect should be the two principal concepts your child must learn from you in order to understand the reasons of your way to discipline her.
As I started writing I'm more like my father but happily I can say I broke the circle when I find myself giving reasons and saying I'm sorry to Isabelle and respecting her for what she is and thinks. I do want her to know I do what I do because I love her and because she's the most important person in my world. I hope one day when she's older she'll understand this eventhough is difficult to understand when you're just a three year-old (almost)and eager to do it all.
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